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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24969085">I can't handle change</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/insectcondo/pseuds/insectcondo'>insectcondo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wavelength [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Half-Life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Found Family, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, M/M, Post Game AU, human benrey, not sure where this is gonna go yes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:23:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24969085</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/insectcondo/pseuds/insectcondo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Benrey becomes human after the game and drops off the radar for a month. Tommy, being a good friend, moves in and tries to help him cope with the crushing demands of humanity. Benrey slowly begins to accept and forgive himself and can work on repairing his relationship with Gordon.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benrey/Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Wavelength [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1807255</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>134</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. i cant handle change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>first of all - I'm not sure yet if this is romantic or platonic. I tagged it as ship - but I think it's going to remain more platonic - but I might change my mind. Might make it a poly ship or platonic. Who's to say. </p><p>Short first chapter - wanted to get this off the ground before it just sits. I cut a lot out of the final draft because. it wasn't going anywhere. </p><p>benrey is mentally ill and confused.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benrey knew better than to expect a visit and thought that Tommy's offer to visit sometime was more nicety than sincerity. For a week he regretted getting back in contact with Tommy, regretted sending that text, those calls. Those feelings. Feelings...</p><p>Benrey still texted Gordon - sometimes double text, and only got a reply every third day or so. It was pretty clear that Gordon wanted nothing to do with Benrey, and that idea made him so upset he didn't know what to do with himself. The idea that he was fading into the background, and he was so powerless - that was the kicker the powerlessness - and being alone. </p><p>So he texted Tommy. Whereas Gordon had always been mean, Tommy had cared. Their first conversation had been one of concern and Tommy had been so relieved to hear from Benrey after a month of radio silence. He wasn't upset by his lack of communication - just concerned; asking if he was eating enough, if he was getting enough sleep - things that Benrey had never considered before and wondered if that's why he felt so weak all the time - he had to learn to read what this new human body needed. He had to give it things.<br/>
After the first text conversation, Tommy would ask questions like if Benrey lived with anyone - no he lived alone, and Tommy marveled how Benrey had stayed alive for a month on his own without realizing that humans need to eat regularly. </p><p>"There's no um guidebook on to to - being a human, but but. But I could could. Write one? For you? Do you think you would need that, Benrey?," Tommy had asked over a call.<br/>
"I'd appreciate that, bro."</p><p>Even after all the kindness and ways that Tommy was hyping him up and helping him, Benrey didn't think he was worthy or deserving of any sort of goodness, and he wouldn't even blame him if Tommy suddenly forgot about his existence. </p><p>However, about a week after the first call Tommy said he was planning to come up for a visit the next day. </p><p>After three days of driving, there was a knock on his front door. Benrey didn't answer at first because he assumed it was someone coming to kill him - because he should be dead. The knock got louder. Paranoia set in and he grabbed his gun under his pillow and stalked to the front door. He opened the door enough to see through it, the gun a comfortable weight in his hand.</p><p>"Benrey! It - it's me, you don't have. Have to shoot," Tommy's voice carried through the screen door. </p><p>Benrey relaxed and slid the safety lock back on and put the gun on the floor. Then he opened the door to let Tommy - and Sunkist - inside. </p><p>Benrey lived in a trailer home, he had no idea where he lived or even what state he was in - Tommy had to get Benrey's address from his dad who brought him there in the first place. </p><p>He stepped off the porch and into Benrey's home - the hardwood flooring clacking under Sunkists toenails. Tommy slipped her harness off and unclipped her leash, and she started to sniff around. </p><p>Then he handed Benrey a stack of stapled papers. He looked at them. </p><p>Tommy's Guide to Being Human, is what the page on top said. </p><p>Going back to the car, Tommy brought back a box, and brought it inside and placed it on the floor. Then he went back outside. Benrey followed.</p><p>"What's all this?" He asked as he helped bring in boxes - and noticed that Tommy had very large trailer attached to his car. </p><p>Tommy hesitated, him slumped over the back seat, about to pick up the next box stashed on the floor, but he hovered above it for a bit.</p><p>"Uhhhh well. Well. I. I think it's like. I was thinking I should sh-should move in. In with you?"</p><p>"You want to live with me?"</p><p>"Yeah! I don't. Don't mean to... be. Be rude but - but uhhhh...." He trailed off playing with the tape on the box below him.</p><p>"Just spit it out, I won't bite."</p><p>"I don't - d-d-don't think you're. Fit. To live by - by yourself. Right now."</p><p>"Fair," Benrey agreed easily. "I knew every fuckin' hallway back in Black Mesa. Now I don't know where I am AND I gotta sleep for 8 hours every night? Shit's fucked up."</p><p>Tommy chuckled. He lifted the box and Benrey slid in and grabbed the last box on the floor. </p><p>That's when Tommy realized that Benrey - didn't own anything. The walls were bare - there was no furniture. The only thing was in Benrey's bedroom, a bare mattress, a pillow and a TV hooked up to a PS3, as well as a stack of games.</p><p>Tommy opened up the fridge and gasped as the acrid odor of spoiled food wafted out. </p><p>"We have. have to get. Get you some - some. Edible food."</p><p>"What do you mean, I've been eating what's in there," although his tone didn't change, his confusion was apparent. </p><p>"Oh-oh n-no! You. You will - you'll get sick if. If you eat. Eat expired food."</p><p>"Oh - there's a lot to consider, huh?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. nervous young inhumans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>mild frustrations and a creative outlet</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>title:<br/>"nervous young inhumans" / car seat headrest</p><p>hopefully this will be a long story that will take its time. again, small, but frequent updates.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a week since Tommy moved in. The first thing Tommy did was come up with a routine that Benrey could be eased into. He understood Benrey's need for disorder, but knew personally that having a little bit of structure could help with adjusting to new situations. </p><p>Tommy also had been unpacking and now the living room was littered with a large assortment of things. With Benrey's help, the furniture was assembled (Tommy's bedframe, a couch, a couple of bookcases) and they worked hard to put things away. Some boxes he picked up and carried into the kitchen, and started unloading into the cabinets, and others he carried into his bedroom and placed there to put away later. </p><p>Tommy handed Benrey a sheet set and a pillowcase, as well as a comforter. Benrey's eyebrows furrowed as he gazed down at the pile of linens in his hand. </p><p>"I sleep on these, right?"</p><p>"Uh - y-yeah, this one. With the uh the uh. Band - Seam - around it wraps around your mattress, and this goes over your pillow."</p><p>"And the other two?"</p><p>"Those are to um lay under!"</p><p>"Oh yeah - it - it'll probably be. Easier to. Ummm Do one corner and then the uh the opposite one."</p><p>"Gotcha," Benrey nodded. He carried the stack of linens into his bedroom. It took him a while to wrestle the fitted sheet onto the mattress. He would get a corner, then another would pop off, and he would mutter under his breath in frustration. Eventually, he managed to get them to all stay put. The sheets and pillowcase a deep red, and the comforter was a soft grey. </p><p>Tommy hesitated at the door frame to Benrey's room and knocked on the frame. He had a shopping bag that was overflowing with what looked like clothes. He handed it to Benrey.</p><p>"I-I don't don't. Know your size. But I - I - I had these. Clothes. Laying around."</p><p>Benrey started rifling through the bag, pulling out sweaters and t-shirts and pants. He only owned what he currently had on, his Black Mesa work uniform - which was now ratted and fading - especially since he'd worn it for a month straight. </p><p>Benrey without any degree of self-consciousness or shame started getting undressed to change his clothes. Tommy turned bright red and dashed out of the room closing the door gently behind him. </p><p> </p><p>Tommy decided to slip out and take Sunkist for a walk. He slipped her harness on and clipped her leash to it. Sunkist sat and wagged her tail. Tommy pet her and smiled. </p><p>"I'LL BE BACK IN A BIT," Tommy shouted at Benrey's door. There was some muffled response, but Tommy couldn't really hear. </p><p>He walked along the sidewalk, Sunkist walking next to him and looking back, tongue lolling, tail swaying. </p><p>In about a five minute walk, they came to a small fenced-in dog park. Tommy unclipped Sunkist's leash and started throwing the ball he brought around. Sunkist grabbed it and dropped it at his feet. </p><p>"You are such a perfect dog!" Tommy said as he gave her a bit of a pepperoni he found in his pocket. </p><p> </p><p>When Tommy returned, Tommy called through the door that it was him before proceeding to use the copy he made of the key to unlock the door. </p><p>When he entered, Benrey was sitting in the middle of the floor, rocking back and forth humming, his eyes glassed over. Tommy shut the front door quietly, turning the doorknob to avoid it making a thud. </p><p>He unclipped Sunkist's leash and she walked over to her bed in the corner and lay down. </p><p>Tommy gently touched Benrey's shoulder. He felt his muscles tense at that touch, and Tommy removed his hand. He sat down beside him.</p><p>"Uhhh - Be-Benrey is there. Something - Can I help?"</p><p>Benrey looked up from his trance then but was still not all there. Tommy couldn't have guessed whether or not Benrey actually recognized him then. Benrey's eyes were heavy-lidded and dilated and completely glazed over.</p><p>Benrey's head dropped back down, like it was too heavy for his own neck - and continued to hum. Tommy fought down a wave of panic - he must be trying to use the sweet voice, but can't now - Tommy used to be able to read that effortlessly, what if he couldn't understand him anymore. Then he got an idea. </p><p>Tommy went into his bedroom, which was still a mess of boxes, and found his guitar. He hadn't played in years but he figured he could do something simple. He rejoined Benrey on the floor and listened to the song Benrey was humming before mimicking on the guitar. </p><p>After playing it a few times, he looked up to see Benrey staring intensely at him, a lopsided grin on his face. His eyes were clearer and he stretched out and laid out on the floor, his bare feet crossed at the ankles, and his hands under his chin, just watching Tommy and the guitar. </p><p>Tommy took that a sign to continue and although his fingerings were rusty and he messed up quite a few times, Benrey's entire attention was focused so intensely that when Tommy finished and met Benrey's intense stare he blushed. Then Benrey dropped eye contact.</p><p>"C-could you understand those those songs?" Tommy asked eagerly.</p><p>"No. But it was... nice?"</p><p>There was a comfortable silence for a few moments before Benrey spoke again.</p><p>"Using the Black Mesa sweet voice was the only way I could like y'know express myself properly. And now it's fuckin' gone."</p><p>"Expressing yourself is hard!" Tommy agreed. "Wait a m-minute. You could use art and music as your uh mediums - sound and colour!"</p><p>Benrey's eyebrow's shot up, and Tommy imagined a lightbulb going off over his head, like in the cartoons he liked and had to stiffle a giggle.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. lost it to trying</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>benrey learns to express himself</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'm dissociating sorry if the edit is bad. i just had to post this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Benrey was alone. There was the sound of dripping from the vents in the ceiling, which made a puddle of green goo.</p><p>He heard indistinct voices, always slightly further away, and he could never quite make out the words. </p><p>Walking through the labyrinth that was Black Mesa in boots that filed like they were filled with lead. He shuffled through awkwardly, losing his footing and almost toppling over on his face. </p><p>There was something seriously wrong going on here. This wasn't right. </p><p>He dragged himself to the floor and sat with his back to a giant crate. He flicked out his pistol from its leg holster, switched off the safety and held it with both hands. He wasn't sure what was out there but there was something coming for him.</p><p>Two arms came out from an abyss and dragged him down by his ankles. </p><p>"NO!," Benrey yelled as the gun fell out of his reach. He gripped the edge of the platform, but his fingers started to slip off one by one, and then he was freefalling into nothingness. </p><p> </p><p>He screamed.</p><p> </p><p>* * * <br/>Benrey jolted up in bed, he was panting, covered in sweat - his black hair slicked to his forehead. He wasn't sure what these nightmares meant exactly, but it didn't help with the feeling of doom and dread he had started to feel after being made human. He used to never fear anything, but now... now it was as if being alive was enough to make him crawl out of his skin.</p><p>His door opened a crack and Tommy stuck his head in.</p><p>"Uh Be-Benrey I uh heard you scream and uh," then he saw the state he was in and let himself in. "Nightmares?"</p><p>Benrey nodded weakly. </p><p>"Are - you - do you want anything to eat, Benrey?" </p><p>"Y-yeah that might be... good," Benrey said shakily.</p><p>"OK, I'll go make something," Tommy wrung his hands nervously before backing out the door, leaving the door open. </p><p> </p><p>Benrey left his unmade mattress as a heap of blankets and left his room to the small bathroom at the end. He stuck his face under the tap and drunk directly from it, water running over his face and his hair. </p><p>He splashed water over his face, then shook his head like a dog drying itself trying to get his wet hair out of his face. </p><p>He turned off the facet, and stared at himself in the mirror, his eyes running over every scar in his face. He prodded a few particularly bad ones with his fingers, but there was no sensation. </p><p>His nose must have been broken at some point, and he ran his finger down the bridge. He had no idea if it was healed or bad since he had no idea about human biology, but it didn't hurt that much he didn't think.</p><p>He slipped off the t-shirt he was wearing and had to grip the sides of the sink to prevent himself from keeling over when he actually took a good luck at himself. His chest and upper neck were covered in old bullet wounds - some of which were dangerously close to his heart. There were third-degree burns on a patch on one of his arms where no hair grew and a lot of unidentifiable scars covering a lot of surface area. </p><p>How the hell is he even alive without Xen? How is this human body sustaining him? He poked at some of the craters on his chest and couldn't feel anything. Humans couldn't even live with this much collateral damage, right?</p><p>He then thought about how it's possible he just doesn't have nerve endings, or maybe humans don't feel pain. So he did the first thing that he could think of. He slapped himself hard in the face. </p><p>The sensation smarted and tingled and was uncomfortable, and that's probably what pain felt like. He frowned as he slipped back on his shirt. He couldn't shake this feeling that something just didn't feel right, but everything seemed to be in order, as far as his limited knowledge could attest to.</p><p>Tommy was singing along to a song that was playing on a small radio in the kitchen. He was just finishing as Benrey came out of the bathroom. </p><p>There was a big platter of pancakes that Tommy put in the middle of the small dining table he brought with him, and a side of bacon. He started putting other things on the table for sides, including a can of soda for himself, and plates for both of them.</p><p>"Its all finished. I hope you like - like pancakes!" Tommy grinned. </p><p>"Smells good," Benrey made a bee-line to the table and sat at one of the chairs, piling food onto his plate. </p><p>"Do you want - do you want something to. To drink?"</p><p>"Wax," Benrey said absently.</p><p>"Oh Benrey you can't uh. Can't DRINK w-wax," Tommy explained.</p><p>"Wuh?" Benrey stared at him confused. He shrugged then started to dig in, disregarding the utensils, and eating only with his hands, ripping the pancakes with his hand and tearing pieces of bacon to eat with it. </p><p>Tommy watched for a moment, mesmerized by parts - the intensity and the meticulous way he ate. He ate quickly, but was fairly neat and didn't even leave any crumbs on his plate. Tommy dug into his own food, his own pancakes covered in sticky sweet syrup.</p><p>Benrey brought his plate to the sink before sitting back at the table arms crossed over his chest. </p><p>"Tommy d'ya have um like colours? To like draw with nd shit?"</p><p>Tommy's face lit up. </p><p> </p><p>Benrey spent the rest of the day squatting on the floor of his bedroom with a tape recorder he found in the trash. He recorded all sorts of sounds. Static from his TV, video game music, him screaming into the recorder, Sunkist barking. He also wanted to record Tommy's guitar and made a mental note to ask him about that later.<br/> After about four hours and five tapes later, he had a whole collection of sounds that he then began to obsessively listen to. </p><p>While he listened to these noise tapes, he had white printer paper all over the floor along with a bin Tommy brought over full of markers and crayons. He focused on what the sounds made him feel and tried to replicated that with colours. </p><p>At two am Benrey had two dozen sheets of printer paper coated in intense colouring hung up around his mattress. Some were one colour, some were combinations of two, others were very complex patterns of colours. </p><p> </p><p>The next day he brought Tommy into his bedroom and showed him his art with a sort of triumphant feeling.</p><p>"Can you read those?" He asked. </p><p>Tommy's eyes scanned the different papers taped haphazardly and crookedly to the wall.</p><p>"I think I-I  can but - but. They're all..." he trailed off as he furrowed his brow in concentration. "You're in pain," Tommy cocked his head at Benrey and his sweet, innocent expression melted Benrey a little. </p><p>"Is it that obvious?"</p><p>"The colours are all dark, and there's a lot of dark red and. and maroon! Maroon is the worst."</p><p>Benrey felt very small suddenly and felt like Tommy had the ability to see into the very recesses of his mind. He wasn't sure whether to feel unnerved or comforted.<br/>"How do you know all that?"</p><p>"O-Oh Sunkist - Sunkist has. She uses Sweet Voice too. That's how we communicate."</p><p>"But you made her?"</p><p>"Yeah!"</p><p>"So - so it's possible you know more about what the colours mean that I do."</p><p>"Oh, probably? I did program it all into her workings and all. I have all ten million colours memorized."</p><p>"Huh....," Benrey was stunned. "It's always just been something my brain did automatically."</p><p>Tommy was lost in thought for a few minutes, still looking at the colours on the wall.</p><p>"Does - Does this help you?"</p><p>"Maybe. It felt good to get shit out."</p><p>Tommy beamed and Benrey gave a small smile back.</p><p> </p><p>Later that night, Tommy was texting Gordon:</p><p>"Gordon, how do you feel abt Benrey???"<br/>"What do you mean feel about him?"<br/>"Is he your friend???"<br/>"Look Tommy, idk rn... it's complicated."<br/>"Do you hate him?? :o"<br/>"Maybe? Why."<br/>"He's different now, gordon. i think he's harmless now. hes just scared!!! :o"<br/>"I don't think i'm... ready yet, Tommy. but i'm glad to hear he's changing. I'll keep that in mind."</p><p> </p><p>Tommy went into the living room and found Benrey on the floor playing with Sunkist. He was smiling and Sunkist was wagging her enormous tail which was clearing a table. Tommy joined them. </p><p>"Hey do you want to see her do tricks?"</p><p>"Yes," Benrey said sitting cross-legged.</p><p>"Ok Sunkist sit," Tommy tossed her a piece of bacon when she sat down. </p><p>"Now can we stand up?" She rose to two legs. Passed her another piece of the bacon.</p><p>"Shake Sunkist," she gave him her paw. Tommy shook it. Benrey was smiling wider. </p><p>"Speak Sunkist," Sunkist started to bark - the sound paired with coloured energy that lingered out of her muzzle. Benrey stared in awe. </p><p>"She loves you, Benrey!" Tommy said excitedly. Sunkist licked his face and knocked him over on his back. </p><p>Benrey, despite the heavy weight in his mind, felt like he could forget that around Tommy, who's natural cheerfulness he could feel was beginning to rub off on him a little. Maybe things really will be fine.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. numbers / computer world</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tommy learns benrey's knack for numbers and figures out more about him</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>number / computer world  - kraftwerk (title)</p><p>exploring benrey's eccentricity. as of yet there hasn't been much for plot, but it will get there, i need to explore. i do not plan these chapters. </p><p>benrey is just trying to cope, trying to understand his own brain. he does a lot of things even he doesn't understand</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tommy had managed to organize his bedroom more to his liking. He had boxes and boxes of toys he had ever since he was a kid, and even sometimes still took them out and played with them. Boxes of different ranked Beyblades and his Beyblade arenas, large bins of HotWheels and die-cast cars, which he shoved under his bed. </p><p>He had a large collection of stuffed toys especially since they were good sensory texture, they were good when he was having a meltdown - to stroke the fur and such. <br/>His room had primary colour furniture and was very nostalgic and it made him feel happy. </p><p>He was breaking down the last box when he noticed a Rubix Cube at the bottom. He was never very good at them, never having actually solved one - but then had an idea and crossed the hall over to Benrey's room. </p><p>Benrey had some video game on his TV - but the controller was neglected, and he was squatting on the floor listening to strange sounds on a tape recorder. He looked up and hit the channel up button on the TV monitor. There was a staticky cracking sound as the old TV shifted to analog signal. </p><p>Tommy stood in the doorway for a little while, just watching. Everything Benrey did seem deliberate, even if he actually didn't know what he was doing - there was no hesitation. </p><p>Benrey took his cell phone and started playing a noise audio clip, which he put on top of the TV. He switched back the channel to the input signal and started playing the game with the same intensity - the phone on the TV playing a jarring discordant sound, which seemed to motivate him towards the objective in the game. </p><p>Tommy slipped in and sat beside Benrey and watched him. Again everything seemed deliberate, but his goal didn't seem to do everything right, but his mistakes all seemed intentional. His fingers flying over the controller, muttering things to himself. Tommy wasn't really sure what was going on, since he wasn't really knowledgable on video games himself - aside from the ones he played on his Switch - Animal Crossing and stuff. </p><p>Benrey froze - his rhythm completely thrown off and he was taken out of the zone - when a hand was placed on his shoulder. </p><p>"What the fuck you touchin' me for, bro?" he muttered before he turned around and noticed it was Tommy sitting beside him. He blinked a few times, as if was unaware where he was. ".........huh?"</p><p>Tommy pulled his hand away, startled by Benrey's response, and instead handed him the Rubix Cube.</p><p>"S-s-sorry to uh interrupt. I - I was uh watching you play," Tommy explained rubbing his knees. "I uh - I uh found this and wanted to uh. See if you could s-solve it."</p><p>"What do I have to do?" Benrey looked at the cube toy in his hands with the coloured stickers on moveable panels.</p><p>"Uh slide 'em a-around and uh try to uh match the colours! One side should be one colour!"</p><p>Then Benrey turned his intense focus towards the Rubix Cube, his fingers flying as he turned the panels around and around. A few seconds later he handed it back to Tommy, fully completed. </p><p>Tommy blinked in shock. </p><p>"HOW DID YOU DO THAT, BENREY?"</p><p>"I dunno, I guess I just knew what to do." </p><p>"YOU HAVE A POWERFUL BRAIN, BENREY," Tommy said in complete awe.</p><p>Benrey grinned, "I like to think so. That's actually what I was doing, here."</p><p>"W-what do you mean?"</p><p>"Chargin' it, tryin' to see if I can unlock some hidden power,"</p><p>"OH!" Tommy nodded understandingly.  "Do you - do you like puzzles Benrey?"</p><p> </p><p>It then became an almost sort of game to see what sort of puzzles Benrey could solve effortlessly, and which he didn't understand. Puzzles with patterns or a repeated variable he didn't have to think about, but something involving more thought process made him trip over himself in frustration. He was not very good at either checkers or chess.</p><p>Tommy made notes of all of Benrey's strengths and weaknesses and found it interesting how they contrasted. Tommy loved logic puzzles and anything that made him ponder the answer for a few minutes. He was a fast learner and memorizer - but he was not good at puzzles involving physical space such as a Rubix's Cube, because there was nothing to actually think about. </p><p> </p><p>"Hey bro you've lived here long enough, you can unlock the wifi password," Benrey said. They were sitting in Tommy's room, and Benrey was looking through Tommy's toys, thinking the miniature cars were very cool. </p><p>"Oh! Um, y-yes, I assumed you uh didn't have WiFI," Tommy nervously laughed. </p><p>"The Wifi password is:</p><p>3s9KK[C~W.$(FJC8Qf2A~)a=5{S[Ym7)`=-v)=gf;Nk]\CzZ/:!8}&amp;.'xYa;+_*[]dkMLZw&lt;+a3&gt;crdyXmK",pC:_[,Wu:`+{@8tKn@fCZxYt6=X3(RY-2pe@" Benrey recited. </p><p>Tommy froze and laughed nervously. </p><p>"Here, I'll just enter it in your phone and uh other devices," Benrey offered. </p><p>Tommy slid his phone and Benrey typed it in fast, and hit ok and connected automatically. He didn't make any errors in his entering which was almost as impressive in his memorization of arbitrary characters.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. life in vain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>benrey's leg falls asleep, he panics and accidentally kicks tommy in the face.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>life in vain / daniel johnston </p><p>my brain wasn't feeling good yesterday so i didn't update. but i came back with another update today!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tommy had been living with Benrey for a little over a month now. Benrey's erratic behaviour started to make more sense to Tommy who was very observant. He normally just let Benrey do his own thing throughout the day, leaving snacks out nearby so that Benrey would remember to eat. For the most part Benrey was so wrapped up in what he was fixated in he wouldn't interact with Tommy, unless Tommy engaged him. </p><p>One day Tommy presented Benrey with a leatherbound sketchbook to use instead of using loose leaf printer paper. Immediately Benrey got to work - crayon in hand - covering the first two pages with colours. He kept changing the noise tracks coming out of his phone, playing something more uptempo. He reached into the bin, and automatically selecting colours.</p><p>A few hours later he tried to stand up, and nearly felt straight onto his face. There was something wrong with his leg? It felt like a swarm of flies buzzing on the inside. When he moved there was a sharp tingling sensation and he couldn't feel his leg. </p><p>"TOMMY," he yelled starting to panic now. </p><p>Tommy slipped out his bedroom, Sunkist close on his heels. He saw the discomfort on Benrey's face. </p><p>"There's something wrong with my leg," Benrey gasped. </p><p>"W-what's wrong?"</p><p>"I was sitting here, and I get up and my leg fucking won't work."</p><p>Tommy sat down beside Benrey. </p><p>"W-where does. Does it hurt?"</p><p>Benrey pointed to a part of his left calf. </p><p>"Now I'm gonna. Gonna have to um. Gonna move it. Your blood needs to. To recirculate."</p><p>"But if you touch it it'll feel all fuckin' prickly!"</p><p>Tommy put his hands on Benrey's calf and slowly rotated it around his ankle, pushing his fingers in to massage the muscle. Benrey squirmed trying to pull away and accidently kicked Tommy in the face. </p><p>"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, IT STINGS," Benrey yelled as he flailed. </p><p>"Hey - hey. That hurt," Tommy let go and rubbed the place where Benrey's foot connected with his mouth. "Da-Dammit!"</p><p>"Oh shit, sorry bro," Benrey switched positions, not realizing the pins and needles were gone. "Here move your hand, lemme see."</p><p>Tommy pulled his hands away from his face and Benrey cringed at the bruise already forming under his eye and cheek. Tears started spilling down Tommy's face. </p><p>"Oh, shit," Benrey panicked a little bit, unsure what he should do. Then he got an idea. He stood up awkwardly and shuffled to the kitchen as he stretched out his stiff legs. He hesitated before he opened the freezer and glanced around before grabbing something at random. He walked back and handed it to Tommy. </p><p>It was a bag of frozen Strawberries. Tommy stared at it for a second not comprehending. Benrey took it in his hands and gingerly placed it to Tommy's bruised face who held it there. He sat back on his haunches, rocking back and forth. He watched with concern in his eyes.</p><p>Sunkist came over barking and laid down next to Tommy, and put her head down on his lap. He pet her head, and she wagged her tail. <br/>"Are you okay?" Benrey asked. There was a softness to his voice. </p><p>"Um! Y-yeah!" Tommy smiled in reassurance. Benrey offered a ghost of a smile in return. </p><p>"You're my friend, Tommy," Benrey continued in the same soft voice. </p><p>Tommy placed a hand on Benrey's shoulder. This was the most aware that Benrey had been for a while, and the longest conversation they'd had in weeks. Benrey glanced down at the hand on his shoulder.</p><p>"I. I th-think you. You're ummm... You're a great friend, Benrey."</p><p>"I can tell you.... respect me," Benrey said slowly. </p><p>"Yeah! Of course!" Tommy said with a large grin.</p><p>"Things are.... uh.... confusing.... for me right now," Benrey began as he ran a hand through his messy black mullet. "But uh...... thanks for being here. Sorry about your face," he added sheepishly. </p><p>Tommy suddenly pulled him into a hug and Benrey stiffened before he hesitantly wrapped his arms around Tommy. </p><p>After pulling away from the hug, Tommy lifted Benrey's chin with one of his hands to level his face with his own. He noticed that Benrey had some pretty prominent dark circles under his eyes. </p><p>Benrey gazed at him with an expression that lacked all the unsettling intensity from before. His facial expression was still neutral, but more vulnerable. </p><p>"Of course it. It's. Confusing. You have to learn how to - to - adjust to life differently."</p><p>Tommy made eye contact while making that statement, and quickly looked away. He hated eye contact, it made it uncomfortable. </p><p>He lit up as an idea came to him. </p><p>"Benrey do you want to play Beyblades with me?"</p><p> </p><p>Tommy came back to the living with a clear plastic bin, and on the top was a plastic Beyblade arena. He put the blue arena in the middle of the floor, and opened the plastic bin, and proceeded to dump the contents on the floor. He shuffled through until he found a particular Beyblade. He grabbed a launcher and loaded it. </p><p>Benrey picked up a purple Beyblade. Tommy showed him how to launch it into the arena. He held the launcher at an angle.</p><p>"LET IT RIIIIP," Tommy yelled as they both pulled the cords at the same time. Benrey stared transfixed as the Beyblades spun around the arena - sometimes ramming into each other. </p><p>Benrey's Beyblade was the one that stopped, motionless. </p><p>They played more rounds, Benrey trying different combinations of parts and different Beyblades, but couldn't bring down Tommy's one Beyblade.</p><p>"I don't get it, why do you keep fucking winning?" Benrey muttered.</p><p>"I. I . I modified the uh tip so it. It spins better," Tommy admitted. </p><p>Benrey threw his head back and laughed, "Tommy's a fuckin' cheater!"</p><p>"H-hey! No! It's included in - in the rules. I'm allowed to do this!"</p><p>"I'm just teasin' you bro," Benrey reassured him.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Agoraphobia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benrey goes outside for the first time. Tommy is there to support him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>oh god they are starting to pin for each other now.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the next few days, Tommy's face was sore. He had bruises all the way from his jaw to a swollen right eye. </p><p>Tommy wasn't mad at Benrey at all, in fact, in a way, he found it funny. He knew better than to attempt to try and grab Benrey's legs again, especially since he apparently had a strong kick reflex. </p><p>He found Benrey passed out on the couch, one leg hanging off the edge. </p><p>Between his snores, he uttered tiny little grunts and distressed sounds. </p><p>"D-do you th-think you could help him," Tommy whispered to Sunkist. Sunkist padded over to the couch and sat on her haunches. She yawned, her mouth opening wide, and made a breathy boof sound. When her mouth opened, Sweet Voice poured out, encasing Benrey for several seconds before fading. She laid down and her tail made thumps against the couch. Tommy pat her head and hugged her face and she licked his face.</p><p>Benrey sighed softly but seemed to relax more in his sleep. Tommy covered him gently with a throw blanket. </p><p>Glancing at the clock, Tommy realized it was only six am. There was something wired in him to rise very early. He liked to take Sunkist for a run early in the morning before it started to get hot. </p><p>He was eating breakfast - today he was eating cereal with orange juice, man did he love Lucky Charms, and put the scoop of Sunkist's food into her bowl. The golden retriever started to eat happily, watching Tommy out of the corner of her eye as she ate her food. Tommy smiled at her. </p><p>A few hours later there was a stirring in the living room. Benrey let out a loud yawn and the sound of the couch springs squeaking as he pushed himself off it, then footsteps as he walked into the kitchen.</p><p>"Goodmorning, Benrey!" Tommy offered a sunny smile. "How did you sleep?"</p><p>"Uh..." Benrey ran a hand through his hair, still groggy. "Oh, yeah, I had a fucking weird dream."</p><p>"Uh, oh, really?"</p><p>"I think I was a dog? In my dream? Kept chasing cats and shit and they kept telling me to fuck off like the cats were talkin' and I could understand them."</p><p>Tommy glanced at Sunkist under the table, who slowly begun to wag her tail. Tommy shook his head in disbelief. He exploded into uncontrollable laughter. </p><p>Benrey was confused. </p><p>Tommy took a second to try and compose himself, tears still running down his face.</p><p>"S-s-s-sunkist she she uh," he took a deep breath, "Earlier she soothed you during a nightmare. She - she must have uh inserted her-herself into your dream," Tommy had his hand covering his face as he just shook with laughter. </p><p>Benrey glanced down at the dog under the table, who looked up and wagged her tail innocently. Then Benrey started to laugh, the whole situation so absurd. He smacked Tommy on the back, both of them practically falling over each other laughing. </p><p>Sunkist came over and started to make sounds between a bark and a howl. Which only made them laugh harder. </p><p>Benrey wiped his eyes, as he was laughing so hard tears were starting to spill over. Tommy looked like he had been sobbing aside from the large smile threatening to break past the limits of his face. </p><p>"That dog of yours has a devious sense of humour," Benrey glanced again at Sunkist who wagged her tail faster. Tommy was banging a fist on the table, his laughter turned to choked sobs as he struggled to breathe. Benrey started rubbing Tommy's back, urging him to breathe. </p><p>Tommy was finally able to stop laughing and gain his composure. The two smiled at each other, their eyes lingering on each other's faces before Benrey fake coughed into his hand and broke eye contact. He slipped into the chair beside Tommy who immediately jumped up.</p><p>"D-Do you want something to eat?" Tommy pulled some cereal out of the cabinet, the milk out of the fridge. He was going to get something else when Benrey grabbed his wrist causing him to freeze.</p><p>"You good? You seem anxious," Benrey's face was of genuine concern. "You should sit, bro,"</p><p>Tommy felt his face colour and he was super aware of Benrey's ice cold hand, like a fly under a magnifying glass. </p><p>Nonetheless, he floated back to the seat, breaking his wrist out of Benrey's hand. He felt his ears growing hot.  </p><p>Benrey slipped into the seat beside. He gently held Tommy's face in his and gazed at him in a way that could only be called scrutiny. Tommy's leg started bouncing and he clasped his hands together in his lap as his heart pounded in his chest. </p><p>"Does it hurt?"</p><p>"Yeah..."</p><p>"Why does it look like that?"</p><p>"It-it's a bruise. The uh tiny blood - blood vessels under. Under the skin like uh.. burst."</p><p>Benrey then began studying his own hands, front and back. He studied the veins on the back of his hands and his wrist. </p><p>"Do I have blood vessels?"</p><p>"Yeah, everyone does, you just can't - cant' uh. See them."</p><p> </p><p>Benrey reached around Tommy and took his empty cereal bowl. He took one of the cereal boxes on the table and poured some into the bowl. He was about to start eating it with his hands when Tommy handed him a spoon. </p><p>"Do you. You w-want milk? In your. In your cereal?"</p><p>Benrey squinted and took the jug, unscrewed the cap and took a whiff. </p><p>"Inside? Why?"</p><p>"Um! The c-cereal pieces are um hard and um dry just like a cactus in a desert day."</p><p>Benrey roared with laughter. </p><p>"OK fine."</p><p>Tommy poured some milk, submerging the cereal. Benrey remembered the spoon in his hand and held it in his fist. <br/>"Here! Like this!" Tommy put his hand over Benrey's and guided him to hold the spoon in a pencil grip. Benrey glanced at his fingers holding the spoon and shrugged. </p><p> </p><p>"You did well with that, Benrey," Tommy praised. "Oh, Benrey, you haven't been outside since I moved here, would you like to come with me to walk Sunkist. </p><p>Benrey's eyes narrowed when Tommy said the word outside.<br/>"Yeah. Sure," he said after a moment of hesitation.</p><p>As Tommy was putting Sunkist's harness on her, Benrey walked back to his room, the floor making creaking sounds. He laced his boots over his sweat pants and put his helmet over his messy hair. Then he grabbed his pistol from under his pillow. <br/>He was reloading his gun when Tommy came over.</p><p>"O-oh Benrey, you should leave that here."</p><p>"What? Why?"</p><p>"We're just - just going to. To the - the park."</p><p>Benrey narrowed his eye. Tommy put his hands over top of Benrey's which were still holding the gun. </p><p>Benrey had to fight a wave of sudden nausea that washed over him at the idea of not having a way of protecting himself. </p><p>"No. I have to have this with me," Benrey's voice was thin. </p><p>Tommy removed his hands, and put them in his pocket, "Okay, I get it."</p><p> </p><p>The first step out the front door and down the rickety trailer steps sent Benrey into the range of every human emotion. Fear. Joy. Anxiety. Paranoia. Excitement.</p><p>Luckily his helmet concealed him in such a way that it made the sun rays less overwhelming than it could have been. </p><p>He hadn't noticed his jaw was clenched tightly. There was just so much he didn't understand. So many smells, sounds. He sunk down in the grass and pulled off a few blades, studying their texture. </p><p>He was confused when blood started running down his fingertip, dripping down onto the grass. He hissed when he felt the pain. It was sharp and intense.</p><p>"WHAT HAPPENED?" Benrey held his bleeding finger up to Tommy who knelt down beside him. "I was touching the grass, and then like started to fucking bleed. What the fuck?"</p><p>"Grass is called blades. They-they're. Actually very sharp."</p><p>Benrey cracked a smile at that.</p><p>"Stabbed by grass, I didn't even pass level 1."</p><p>Tommy smiled back. Then he unzipped the pack he was wearing around his waist and brought out a little package of Kleenax and a bandaid. With the Kleenax, he wiped the blood off, and applied pressure, wrapping it around Benrey's finger. Then he removed the Kleenax and opened the bandaid, letting the package flutter in the wind. He placed it on the finger joint and wrapped it around his finger, making sure it was completely stuck in place. Benrey gazed at the neon pink bandaid with something akin to pride. <br/>Tommy stood up, and offered a hand down to help Benrey up. Benrey took it and stood up.</p><p>"H-hold my hand, we can. We can walk together." </p><p>They walked hand in hand, Sunkist walking on Tommy's far side. A few times Benrey just stopped and gazed at the sky with fear clearly written on his expression. The first time he started to panic before Tommy realized what was going on and led him away.</p><p>"Uh! Squeeze my hand when you uh feel. When you feel afraid."</p><p>Benrey squeezed his hand in response. </p><p>Finally, they reached the small dog park. Without unlatching their hands, Tommy used his free hand to open the gate, then unclipped Sunkist's leash who went running full speed towards the other side of the gate.</p><p>Benrey closed the gate behind him with his free hand. </p><p>He felt extremely anxious, his heart was pounding. He was very unsettled by the sky and couldn't stop shaking and Tommy would squeeze his hand and say something, but Benrey hadn't been able to focus on the words of his friend.</p><p>Tommy was pulling him, leading him. Sunkist followed along behind, she had found a large stick and was carrying it around in her mouth. </p><p>Tommy pushed aside some bushes and there was a small clearing in the middle of all the greenery. Tommy carefully led Benrey in, and then they sat in the dirt. <br/>Tommy unzipped his pack again and took out a box of cigarettes and a lighter. </p><p>"Y-you want one? I sometimes come out here and smoke. When - when the world's too much"</p><p>"Yeah." </p><p>Tommy took out two cigarettes, one he placed in his lips, the other he handed to Benrey. </p><p>"The - the filter goes in your mouth, and-" he cupped his hands around his mouth as he flicked his thumb over the lighter. "OK- come here, I'll light for you."</p><p>Benrey lent closer, stuck the cigarette between his lips and Tommy lit it. He watched as Tommy took his first drag and blew smoke in an exhale. Benrey mimicked.</p><p>Eventually, he felt his anxiety drain from him as the cigarette burned shorter. </p><p>"This was.... I don't know how to explain it. I enjoyed it though."</p><p>Tommy stamped out his cigarette, pushing his foot into it. He beamed at Benrey. At that moment Benrey realized how much Tommy really meant to him. His stomach started to flutter. </p><p>"Should-should we be getting. Getting back?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>Benrey's hand found Tommy's easily. They exchanged a smile and gazed into each other's eyes for a moment too long. Sunkist came over as if on cue and they started the journey back home.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. be nice to me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benrey has an episode, which leads him to consider therapy</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>be nice to me / the front bottoms </p><p>gay shit</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Benrey and Tommy got back to the trailer, Benrey was completely spent. Without taking his boots off, he sunk into the couch, sighing. Tommy opened the door and Sunkist came running in, rolling around on the floor. </p><p>Tommy kicked his shoes off at the door, hung Sunkist's harness and leash on a peg, then he sat down beside Benrey on the couch. </p><p>Benrey pulled the cap off a plastic water bottle, the little seal making a tiny crack sound as he broke it, he chugged it, tipping his head back further and further as he downed the water faster. Then he finished it and crushed the bottle between his hands with a noise that startled Sunkist, who made a boof sound, then he tossed it into the trash can. </p><p>"You okay?" Tommy asked pulling his legs onto the couch. Benrey wiped the water dripping down his chin with the back of his hand. </p><p>"...huh? Oh, yeah, I'm chill now," He offered a smirk. "I ain't fragile, y'know?"</p><p>"Oh! No - no I never. I know you-you're not. Things are... complicated f-for you right now. I uh I know you're capable. I don't... I don't think you're. Fragile, Benrey. Vulnerable? Yeah, but it's. It's okay to be. You're. Not - not fragile. You're - you're strong," Tommy was studying the floorboards when he said this. </p><p>Benrey then pulled Tommy into a hug, tears were shining in his eyes, but he tried to blink them away. </p><p>Tommy nuzzled against Benrey's chest, sitting with his legs across Benrey's lap as Benrey sat with his arms wrapped around him. </p><p>They sat in silence for a while, Tommy had his eyes closed listening to Benrey's heartbeat which was fast for a while, then slowly started to slow down. </p><p>"It's uh.. it's. Done me a. A lot of good. Being here," Tommy mumbled. "You've been.... You help me a lot."</p><p>"I help you?"</p><p>"Sure! Being uh... Being around someone who. Understands me. Is very nice," he sighed.</p><p>"I agree."</p><p>There was more comfortable silence. Benrey was beginning to hum and rock back and forth, probably without realizing, and Tommy's grin grew bigger, feeling akin to a cat purring. </p><p>"Where are you from, Tommy?"</p><p>"Uhhh... I was uh born in a Dunkin Donuts,"</p><p>"No shit, for real?"</p><p>"Yeah. I spent a lot of. Time in Dunkin Donuts. That's why my last name is uh Coolatta."</p><p>"What's that mean?"</p><p>"Oh! It's a um. A icy drink. At Dunkin Donuts. Very sweet!"</p><p>"Your dad is the Gman, right?"</p><p>"Oh! Um yeah! He adopted me. From the Dunkin Donuts."</p><p>There was another long pause. </p><p>"You-you're from Xen, right, Benrey?"</p><p>"Yeah. My true form wouldn't have fit in this house."</p><p>"You - you came to earth ..."</p><p>"Yeah. Possessed some guy, took over his memories, y'know the usual," Benrey's arms tightened around Tommy, "The most fucked up thing was when he died. I can still hear his screams in my head."</p><p>"Holy shit," Tommy gasped. He noticed Benrey was breathing heavily and quickly, and raised his head up, and noticed he was staring intently into the middle distance. "Hey, Benrey?" Benrey's eyes rolled to look at Tommy, then rolled back but otherwise he didn't move. </p><p>Tommy felt Benrey's entire body go limp, his head sagging, his eyes staring through everything. A low guttural moan escaped his throat. </p><p>Tommy took his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it, and sifted through the playlist of songs Benrey seemed to like and played a more upbeat one, making sure the volume wasn't too loud, then tossed the phone so it was on the other side of the couch.</p><p>He took Benrey's jaw in his hand, gently moving his face to level their faces. Benrey's entire chest was heaving as he panted. He gazed at Tommy distantly, as if he was far away.</p><p>"What- what is your name?"</p><p>"Uhhhhh......," Benrey took a full ten seconds to urge the thought into his brain, "B-benrey?"</p><p>"Right, good. Do you know where you are, Benrey?"</p><p>"Uhhhhhhh....," his brow furrowed as he thought hard. "No."</p><p>"You're at home. Which is on Earth."</p><p>"I'm at home.....? On Earth."</p><p>"Right. Do you know who I am?"</p><p>"Uhhhhhhhhh," Benrey squinted as he studied Tommy's face, "T-Tommy. Coolatta."</p><p>"You remembered my last name, good! Do you know her name?" He pointed to his dog.</p><p>"Sunkist," Benrey said with no hesitation, which Tommy thought was amusing. </p><p>"Yeah! You got it. I'm proud of you, you know."</p><p>"...............proud? Of.......me?"</p><p>"Yeah! You've been doing so well since I got here. Sure - things. Things uh trouble you... but things uh trouble me too. You've uh... You've gone through a lot."</p><p>"........oh. Yeah. Thanks."</p><p>They gazed into each other's eyes for a while, Tommy stroking Benrey's cheek with a thumb. </p><p>"I want to go to bed," Benrey said, then added, "But you're welcome to join me."</p><p>They laid in Tommy's bed, Benrey after taking his boots and helmet off, was asleep in minutes, using Tommy as a pillow. <br/>Tommy found the heavy pressure comforting. He flipped through his phone for a little bit as Benrey snored. Tommy ran his hand through Benrey's long hair, thinking about how fun it would be to style it. His hair was surprisingly soft. Benrey let out a soft sigh and shifted positions slightly. <br/>Tommy yawned and started to drift off, himself. </p><p>He woke up, and after looking at his phone, realized forty-five minutes had passed. Tommy yawned loudly, putting a hand over his mouth to attempt to stiffle it. Benrey stirred, groaned and opened his eyes. </p><p>"Feeling better?" Tommy asked, his voice thick with sleep. </p><p>Benrey nodded and sat up. He stretched his arms behind his back and groaned as there was a slight cracking sound.</p><p>Tommy sat up then, too, blinking heavily. </p><p>"I'm really sorry, Benrey. I didn't - didn't mean to. Trigger you."</p><p>"It's not your fault, it might be a conversation I'd be able to have, but....... later."</p><p>"Of course, so-sorry again."</p><p>"I was already mentally exhausted from the walk."</p><p>"Yeah... I'm. I'm really sorry," Tommy was wringing his hands together nervously.</p><p>"You don't have to apologize, come here."</p><p>Tommy scooted closer, tucking his long legs underneath him. </p><p>"I think I need help... like..." Benrey made a vague hand gesture. </p><p>"Like therapy?" Tommy prompted. Benrey shrugged. "OK! I'll see if I can find something because that reminds me I want to find an art therapist. One I can. Can bring Sunkist to."<br/>Benrey put his arm around Tommy and gave a half-smile.</p><p>"Thanks for lookin' out for me so much. I'm glad you're also lookin' after yourself."</p><p>"Benrey, I love you!"</p><p>They both froze, and Tommy's hands shot to his mouth as he turned bright red. "I. I. I. Mean. I.-"<br/>"I love you too," Benrey said quickly. He studied the palms of his hands, but felt the tips of his ears turn red.</p>
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